Didn't See That Coming!
Once upon a time, I gave up. I had been fighting for weeks to handle life on my own. Friends, life can't be handled on your own. I took a step back and realized that my life is not in my hands; it's in God's. I need to stop depending on my parents and myself and depend on Him. It's so hard to give up when you've been struggling to hold on for so long. I was still having panic attacks, and still not falling asleep til at least 2am when it hit me. What's keeping me up? Life.
It was the start of the semester where the wheels started turning and God started pulling at me in ways I didn't feel ready for. He began putting people in my life at just the right time... for reassurance of His presence in my life and guidance when I've needed it the most. I've been living in a spiritual battle thinking I'm going crazy when those I look up to remind me... I'm in the flesh. God has plans for me and I don't need to be concerned with things only Satan has placed in my mind. Let me just say, let Satan in an inch... and he'll take a mile. Try listening to fights in the apartment above you at 1am and having to call the cops... or coming back to find drugs on your table and an abandoned room in your apartment... or your roommate who'd abandoned the apartment showing up 3 weeks into school around 12am with her brother crashing on your couch... why on earth would God allow all this chaos in my life? After calling my parents left and right asking them to help me and make me calm down... it hit me.
I was depending more on my parents than God. Who created me and gave me life in this world? God. Who watches over me and knows everything I am dealing with? God. Who carries me when I'm too weak to go on? God. Now wouldn't you think I'd have realized this sooner? No. Finally looking at my life I've realized the burden I've placed on my mom, and it's not fair to her. Any problem I've ever had, I went to her for answers. She's always said we've had a healthy relationship... but if it was so healthy, then why is it that if God were to take her tomorrow, I'd be beside myself. It's good to depend on your parents... but only to a certain point. God did not make me for my parents, He made me for Him. I found myself getting so concerned about my parents and myself... our health and things I shouldn't even worry with... that I didn't see the big picture... and I still may not see it fully... but piece by piece I am putting it together. In hard times, be thankful... God is teaching you and working on you the most. I want to be a girl after God! I want Him to be the reason I keep going in this life. I don't want to be concerned with where I am tomorrow. If I died now, I'd be in the presence of my heavenly Father! Isn't that amazing? Isn't that what we should all be longing for?
Get your priorities in order. Mine obviously weren't where I thought they were. I'd been thriving for my plan. My plan was to please my parents and live the life I've been imagining since I was a little girl. Fact is, it's not my life. It's God's. My body is a temple for Christ; I am suppose to be living Him out. Greater is He who is in me than he who is of the world. I think of myself so many times as easily destructible. Guess what though friends, when God has plans for you, He doesn't make His children weak. He gives them strength. So why is it that every time I feel God trying to teach me something, I feel like I am dying? Well here it is.. the answer... the break through I've been waiting for... I AM DYING!! I am dying to flesh! But I am living to eternity. So many hours awake at night... wondering why God needs me awake in the middle of the night... friends, He's calling! Hello, pick up the phone! Get excited! God is calling. Why lay in bed restless, when you can be praising Him! So what if you only got 3 hours of sleep? You had at least 7 more hours with the Lord! So listen, put your thoughts and concerns aside.... that's just the flesh talking. Let the Lord who created you, who placed you in your mother's womb, and calls you His be praised!
Need answers, go to Him. Be in prayer. Quiet your mind and listen. He always answers... though it may seem like it's taking forever... He answers. If God needs to tell you something or get your attention, He will! He's God for crying out loud. He isn't human! Humans are hard to depend on... you should never fully depend on them anyways. God, the almighty ruler, the everlasting King, Prince of Peace is in total control. Woah.. pump the breaks! Say what? God in control... did you hear that? Bet you didn't see that coming! So give up already. You lose. Your flesh dies. It's a fact of life that shouldn't be so difficult to grasp. God is using our time on earth to prepare us for our heavenly bodies... our heavenly duties... our eternity meant to spend praising Him! Friends, praise without ceasing! Wow, I'm on fire... I've got the holy Spirit running through my veins and I'm telling you... let go. Your life is God's... so to Him be ALL the glory, honor, and praise!
The Living Word
If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. Romans 10:9
I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.
Galations 2:20
It was the start of the semester where the wheels started turning and God started pulling at me in ways I didn't feel ready for. He began putting people in my life at just the right time... for reassurance of His presence in my life and guidance when I've needed it the most. I've been living in a spiritual battle thinking I'm going crazy when those I look up to remind me... I'm in the flesh. God has plans for me and I don't need to be concerned with things only Satan has placed in my mind. Let me just say, let Satan in an inch... and he'll take a mile. Try listening to fights in the apartment above you at 1am and having to call the cops... or coming back to find drugs on your table and an abandoned room in your apartment... or your roommate who'd abandoned the apartment showing up 3 weeks into school around 12am with her brother crashing on your couch... why on earth would God allow all this chaos in my life? After calling my parents left and right asking them to help me and make me calm down... it hit me.
I was depending more on my parents than God. Who created me and gave me life in this world? God. Who watches over me and knows everything I am dealing with? God. Who carries me when I'm too weak to go on? God. Now wouldn't you think I'd have realized this sooner? No. Finally looking at my life I've realized the burden I've placed on my mom, and it's not fair to her. Any problem I've ever had, I went to her for answers. She's always said we've had a healthy relationship... but if it was so healthy, then why is it that if God were to take her tomorrow, I'd be beside myself. It's good to depend on your parents... but only to a certain point. God did not make me for my parents, He made me for Him. I found myself getting so concerned about my parents and myself... our health and things I shouldn't even worry with... that I didn't see the big picture... and I still may not see it fully... but piece by piece I am putting it together. In hard times, be thankful... God is teaching you and working on you the most. I want to be a girl after God! I want Him to be the reason I keep going in this life. I don't want to be concerned with where I am tomorrow. If I died now, I'd be in the presence of my heavenly Father! Isn't that amazing? Isn't that what we should all be longing for?
Get your priorities in order. Mine obviously weren't where I thought they were. I'd been thriving for my plan. My plan was to please my parents and live the life I've been imagining since I was a little girl. Fact is, it's not my life. It's God's. My body is a temple for Christ; I am suppose to be living Him out. Greater is He who is in me than he who is of the world. I think of myself so many times as easily destructible. Guess what though friends, when God has plans for you, He doesn't make His children weak. He gives them strength. So why is it that every time I feel God trying to teach me something, I feel like I am dying? Well here it is.. the answer... the break through I've been waiting for... I AM DYING!! I am dying to flesh! But I am living to eternity. So many hours awake at night... wondering why God needs me awake in the middle of the night... friends, He's calling! Hello, pick up the phone! Get excited! God is calling. Why lay in bed restless, when you can be praising Him! So what if you only got 3 hours of sleep? You had at least 7 more hours with the Lord! So listen, put your thoughts and concerns aside.... that's just the flesh talking. Let the Lord who created you, who placed you in your mother's womb, and calls you His be praised!
Need answers, go to Him. Be in prayer. Quiet your mind and listen. He always answers... though it may seem like it's taking forever... He answers. If God needs to tell you something or get your attention, He will! He's God for crying out loud. He isn't human! Humans are hard to depend on... you should never fully depend on them anyways. God, the almighty ruler, the everlasting King, Prince of Peace is in total control. Woah.. pump the breaks! Say what? God in control... did you hear that? Bet you didn't see that coming! So give up already. You lose. Your flesh dies. It's a fact of life that shouldn't be so difficult to grasp. God is using our time on earth to prepare us for our heavenly bodies... our heavenly duties... our eternity meant to spend praising Him! Friends, praise without ceasing! Wow, I'm on fire... I've got the holy Spirit running through my veins and I'm telling you... let go. Your life is God's... so to Him be ALL the glory, honor, and praise!
The Living Word
If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. Romans 10:9
I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.
Galations 2:20
Been there, done that. God took me to New Mexico to take me away from all the humans I was depending on. It was/is a journey that I will always be thankful for. It taught me how to be alone but not to be lonely among other things. My mom got really sick while I lived there so I was far away which was hard but before that the Lord had been preparing me for that. I learned that I didn't need to worry about my parents cause what better person to take care of them than the Lord? He knows best what is going on in their bodies. Not to say I don't still worry about them but it doesn't consume me. After a while God provided an awesome group of friends and leaving there was almost as hard as moving there to begin with. ;)
ReplyDeleteAs far as giving up trying so hard in the flesh, THAT lesson I have just learned recently. I have spent about the last year and a half doing my own thing, not really doing anything bad or turning my back on God per se but I gave up trying SO hard to do what I thought I should be doing for the Lord. I stopped trying to do it all in the flesh so one day I was just like God I give up. I wanted to be doing what I was supposed to but I couldn't do it so I gave up. But I knew that God would bring me back around and that then it'd be on His terms and not mine. I am still in the middle of this lesson actually but I can see God bringing me back around. I kind of feel like this whole time I've been watching my life from the corner of a room and there was God sitting patiently by my side and loving me. It always reminds me of my favorite poem because now I know what the poem meant when the guy asks God about the one set of footprints and says why did you leave me? and God says, I didn't, I was carrying you. I stopped trying w/ my own strength and He gave me His. It's a different meaning than I've ever realized before. I am still not where I want to be as a Christian but I have to have faith that I am where He wants me to be in that walk and that He's bringing me closer to where i should be every day. Our relationship with Him is a constant process and there will always be something to learn. :)
Ginger Edwards