The Inner Battle.
Once upon a time, my life went crazy! I'm not one for drama, but since middle school, it's found me. I should probably remind you that I'm the biggest worrier EVER... but not consistent. I get better at NOT worrying, and then BOOM, the worrying I tried so hard to overcome slaps me in the face. I can't handle change well. Right now at this moment in my life, there is a lot of change and although it's AMAZING change, it's making me crazy. I'm on my own again in an apartment, but praise the Lord it's not in downtown ATL. I have wonderful friends; but I haven't had friends like these before.
My life was simple. I had momma, dad, and the best brother ever. I had two best friends and that was it. I never dated; I was always lead on and left heartbroken. So I stayed to myself, my family, and my best friends. Through those years, I became a momma's girl and that's usually the only person I did stuff with. I babysat because children have always made me happy and I worked with special needs because they, all like children, love unconditionally. During school, I had a few friends (we didn't really hang out after school)... but I tend to take on people's problems, and when I couldn't help them, it made me feel emotionally drained. I've always been super sensitive to what people think of me, yet I still manage to be outspoken. BUT NOW ALL THIS IS CHANGING. AHHHHHHH!
Last Spring I decided my time was up in the city and God wanted me elsewhere. My best friend came out of nowhere with all these papers on a speech pathology program at the school she attends. I didn't think twice; I knew God was calling me to make the change. It was a great change; I was looking forward to it, but knowing how I deal with changes, it honestly scared me. I had already made friends down town and was use to the environment, although I didn't like it. But I knew it was time to go.
In July, the BIG change hit. My parents are making some major decisions in their life right now (NOT bad ones) that have a huge impact on me because I'm so close to them. I've wished several times that they would be a little less awesome so I could have been that kid that couldn't wait to go to college and live his/her own life. However, I'm stuck to them like glue. God blessed me with them for a reason; I wouldn't be who I am today without either of them. So with everything, going on, I took a trip back to my past and flipped! My inner battle started all over.
I have struggled with anxiety attacks off and on for almost 7 yrs. Every time I thought I was over and done with them, they'd start up again. It wasn't till a few Sundays ago that I was sitting in church and had this vision of battle. Inside I felt like I could see God fighting Satan. I'm the type of person that is fine unless I have too much time to myself. My thoughts start running a million miles an hour and I honestly feel like I'm about to black out. So in July, when all this change started taking place as I prepared for school, moving into a new apartment, and leaving my friends from down town, I began feeling panicky. My anxiety attacks have always been at night (Hence why I own little kid dvds; they relax me). I fight them off unless they are really bad. Yet the times I can't, I feel like I'm 5 crawling in bed with my mom. Come August, I really got nervous about moving and had panic attacks during the day. Really now, how super is it to be waiting for a drink in Starbucks and then ending up in your car calling your mom because you feel like you're going to faint? You know what I find really crazy, all this nonsense is because of worry. God makes it very clear throughout the Bible that His children have nothing to fear and worry about; yet I'm the crazy one in the parking lot crying all because of the stupid thoughts Satan puts in my head. All I can do is pray. Many times in the past 2 weeks I've found myself blaring Christian music and praying Satan out of my head. I mean, what do I have to worry about?
Well, I can worry about anything. You can worry about anything. Though this is what it comes down to: God has already fought the battle and won. I may feel crazy inside, but I'm not the only one struggling. Christians all over the world are having to remind themselves that God is in control. We have to teach ourselves to focus on what God is doing in our life and the blessings He has for us. So here's my short list of blessings for now:
1) God has placed the most amazing people in my life.
2) I love my new school.
3) God has given me a love for children and special needs.
4) I am continuously reminded of God's faithfulness to me.
5) I am a child of God.
I pray that anyone feeling alone remembers our heavenly Father. He has fought for us and won. Though we may struggle in flesh on earth, we will be reunited with him in His glory in heaven.
Read it and stop worrying!
Remember that I commanded you to be strong and brave. Don't be afraid because the Lord your God will be with you everywhere you go. Joshua 1:9
There are many rooms in my Father's house. I wouldn't tell you this, unless it was true. I am going there to prepare a place for each of you. After I have done this, I will come back and take you with me. Then we will be together. You know the way to where I am going. John 14:2-4
I consider that the suffering of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from it's bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. Romans 8:18-21
My life was simple. I had momma, dad, and the best brother ever. I had two best friends and that was it. I never dated; I was always lead on and left heartbroken. So I stayed to myself, my family, and my best friends. Through those years, I became a momma's girl and that's usually the only person I did stuff with. I babysat because children have always made me happy and I worked with special needs because they, all like children, love unconditionally. During school, I had a few friends (we didn't really hang out after school)... but I tend to take on people's problems, and when I couldn't help them, it made me feel emotionally drained. I've always been super sensitive to what people think of me, yet I still manage to be outspoken. BUT NOW ALL THIS IS CHANGING. AHHHHHHH!
Last Spring I decided my time was up in the city and God wanted me elsewhere. My best friend came out of nowhere with all these papers on a speech pathology program at the school she attends. I didn't think twice; I knew God was calling me to make the change. It was a great change; I was looking forward to it, but knowing how I deal with changes, it honestly scared me. I had already made friends down town and was use to the environment, although I didn't like it. But I knew it was time to go.
In July, the BIG change hit. My parents are making some major decisions in their life right now (NOT bad ones) that have a huge impact on me because I'm so close to them. I've wished several times that they would be a little less awesome so I could have been that kid that couldn't wait to go to college and live his/her own life. However, I'm stuck to them like glue. God blessed me with them for a reason; I wouldn't be who I am today without either of them. So with everything, going on, I took a trip back to my past and flipped! My inner battle started all over.
I have struggled with anxiety attacks off and on for almost 7 yrs. Every time I thought I was over and done with them, they'd start up again. It wasn't till a few Sundays ago that I was sitting in church and had this vision of battle. Inside I felt like I could see God fighting Satan. I'm the type of person that is fine unless I have too much time to myself. My thoughts start running a million miles an hour and I honestly feel like I'm about to black out. So in July, when all this change started taking place as I prepared for school, moving into a new apartment, and leaving my friends from down town, I began feeling panicky. My anxiety attacks have always been at night (Hence why I own little kid dvds; they relax me). I fight them off unless they are really bad. Yet the times I can't, I feel like I'm 5 crawling in bed with my mom. Come August, I really got nervous about moving and had panic attacks during the day. Really now, how super is it to be waiting for a drink in Starbucks and then ending up in your car calling your mom because you feel like you're going to faint? You know what I find really crazy, all this nonsense is because of worry. God makes it very clear throughout the Bible that His children have nothing to fear and worry about; yet I'm the crazy one in the parking lot crying all because of the stupid thoughts Satan puts in my head. All I can do is pray. Many times in the past 2 weeks I've found myself blaring Christian music and praying Satan out of my head. I mean, what do I have to worry about?
Well, I can worry about anything. You can worry about anything. Though this is what it comes down to: God has already fought the battle and won. I may feel crazy inside, but I'm not the only one struggling. Christians all over the world are having to remind themselves that God is in control. We have to teach ourselves to focus on what God is doing in our life and the blessings He has for us. So here's my short list of blessings for now:
1) God has placed the most amazing people in my life.
2) I love my new school.
3) God has given me a love for children and special needs.
4) I am continuously reminded of God's faithfulness to me.
5) I am a child of God.
I pray that anyone feeling alone remembers our heavenly Father. He has fought for us and won. Though we may struggle in flesh on earth, we will be reunited with him in His glory in heaven.
Read it and stop worrying!
Remember that I commanded you to be strong and brave. Don't be afraid because the Lord your God will be with you everywhere you go. Joshua 1:9
There are many rooms in my Father's house. I wouldn't tell you this, unless it was true. I am going there to prepare a place for each of you. After I have done this, I will come back and take you with me. Then we will be together. You know the way to where I am going. John 14:2-4
I consider that the suffering of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from it's bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. Romans 8:18-21
Loved it!!! He never ceases to amaze me thru you and Will, your Daddy too. I give Him all the Glory!!!!!! Mom
ReplyDeleteReally loved these verses on worry. Definitely something I struggle with. I have to remind myself often that worrying is telling God "YOU ARE NOT BIG ENOUGH TO HANDLE MY PROBLEMS" and that is simply NOT TRUE. Thanks for this reminder!
ReplyDeleteSavannah