Saturday, January 28, 2012

Didn't See That Coming!

Once upon a time, I gave up. I had been fighting for weeks to handle life on my own. Friends, life can't be handled on your own. I took a step back and realized that my life is not in my hands; it's in God's. I need to stop depending on my parents and myself and depend on Him. It's so hard to give up when you've been struggling to hold on for so long. I was still having panic attacks, and still not falling asleep til at least 2am when it hit me. What's keeping me up? Life.

It was the start of the semester where the wheels started turning and God started pulling at me in ways I didn't feel ready for. He began putting people in my life at just the right time... for reassurance of His presence in my life and guidance when I've needed it the most. I've been living in a spiritual battle thinking I'm going crazy when those I look up to remind me... I'm in the flesh. God has plans for me and I don't need to be concerned with things only Satan has placed in my mind. Let me just say, let Satan in an inch... and he'll take a mile. Try listening to fights in the apartment above you at 1am and having to call the cops... or coming back to find drugs on your table and an abandoned room in your apartment... or your roommate who'd abandoned the apartment showing up 3 weeks into school around 12am with her brother crashing on your couch... why on earth would God allow all this chaos in my life? After calling my parents left and right asking them to help me and make me calm down... it hit me.

I was depending more on my parents than God. Who created me and gave me life in this world? God. Who watches over me and knows everything I am dealing with? God. Who carries me when I'm too weak to go on? God. Now wouldn't you think I'd have realized this sooner? No. Finally looking at my life I've realized the burden I've placed on my mom, and it's not fair to her. Any problem I've ever had, I went to her for answers. She's always said we've had a healthy relationship... but if it was so healthy, then why is it that if God were to take her tomorrow, I'd be beside myself. It's good to depend on your parents... but only to a certain point. God did not make me for my parents, He made me for Him. I found myself getting so concerned about my parents and myself... our health and things I shouldn't even worry with... that I didn't see the big picture... and I still may not see it fully... but piece by piece I am putting it together. In hard times, be thankful... God is teaching you and working on you the most. I want to be a girl after God! I want Him to be the reason I keep going in this life. I don't want to be concerned with where I am tomorrow. If I died now, I'd be in the presence of my heavenly Father! Isn't that amazing? Isn't that what we should all be longing for?

Get your priorities in order. Mine obviously weren't where I thought they were. I'd been thriving for my plan. My plan was to please my parents and live the life I've been imagining since I was a little girl. Fact is, it's not my life. It's God's. My body is a temple for Christ; I am suppose to be living Him out. Greater is He who is in me than he who is of the world. I think of myself so many times as easily destructible. Guess what though friends, when God has plans for you, He doesn't make His children weak. He gives them strength. So why is it that every time I feel God trying to teach me something, I feel like I am dying? Well here it is.. the answer... the break through I've been waiting for... I AM DYING!! I am dying to flesh! But I am living to eternity. So many hours awake at night... wondering why God needs me awake in the middle of the night... friends, He's calling! Hello, pick up the phone! Get excited! God is calling. Why lay in bed restless, when you can be praising Him! So what if you only got 3 hours of sleep? You had at least 7 more hours with the Lord! So listen, put your thoughts and concerns aside.... that's just the flesh talking. Let the Lord who created you, who placed you in your mother's womb, and calls you His be praised!

Need answers, go to Him. Be in prayer. Quiet your mind and listen. He always answers... though it may seem like it's taking forever... He answers. If God needs to tell you something or get your attention, He will! He's God for crying out loud. He isn't human! Humans are hard to depend on... you should never fully depend on them anyways. God, the almighty ruler, the everlasting King, Prince of Peace is in total control. Woah.. pump the breaks! Say what? God in control... did you hear that? Bet you didn't see that coming! So give up already. You lose. Your flesh dies. It's a fact of life that shouldn't be so difficult to grasp. God is using our time on earth to prepare us for our heavenly bodies... our heavenly duties... our eternity meant to spend praising Him! Friends, praise without ceasing! Wow, I'm on fire... I've got the holy Spirit running through my veins and I'm telling you... let go. Your life is God's... so to Him be ALL the glory, honor, and praise!

The Living Word

If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. Romans 10:9

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.
Galations 2:20

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

He Will Wipe Away Your Tears

Once upon a time, I lost control. I am terrible at dealing with change. Most of my posts lately have been about worry, letting go, and giving up my need for control because in this part of my life, I am learning that God is ultimately in charge of my life. Anyone who thinks they have it all together, take a look in the mirror. God, our heavenly Father is constantly molding and shaping us. As of now, I am back down at the base of my roller coaster... I lost control and am struggling for God to pull me back up.

This past week I was on my way to visit family when.... I lost control. We pulled off at Wendy's to get a drink and take a restroom break when my mind gave in to hell. See, earlier that morning I was mistakenly given a grande latte instead of my usual tall. Ladies and gentlemen, I am now refraining from caffeine for the next several weeks. Standing in line, I felt my body going limp as the fear of fainting came over me. My mind immediately pulled together these thoughts...

1) You are having an aneurysm and will die shortly.
2) You're blood sugars are messed up and you will be diagnosed with diabetes.
3) You are having a heart attack.
4) You're mentally unstable and need to be checked into a mental hospital.

See, what most likely happened is that I experienced a caffeine rush which in turn sent my heart racing. I had little to eat that morning, so caffeine on a nearly empty stomach will of course bring on panic attacks. On top of the caffeine, I felt a panic attack coming on for a good 2 weeks and simply tried to avoid it at all costs. However, what I learned is that it's better to give in and let go then store and save up a whole bunch of emotions. So as I made my way back to the car (without fainting) and shut the door, I broke down in tears. I thought my days of panic attacks were over long ago. I thought I had the strength to keep them from happening again. Well friends, I was wrong. Sitting there in the car, I felt defeated. I felt like Satan was winning my spiritual battle and I had no where to go.

What brought all of it on? Well, I could name a list. It could be the fact that soon I will be living much farther away from my parents and my brother.... or my grandmother causing more chaos... or the start of a new semester... However here's the key, I'm no good with change. I have trouble leaving the details to God. I worry about the little stuff until it piles up and sends me over the edge. As I lay here typing, I am emotionally drained. I am waiting for God to intervene when He is saying He's been here the whole time... fighting for me.

As time passes and I think about how far God has brought me in my walk with Him, I remember I am not alone. Do you suffer panic attacks? Have you had horrifying thoughts cross your mind? Let me remind you, this is not of God. Our heavenly Father wants His children to give it all to Him and not live in fear. What is scaring you? What keeps you awake at night? Do you know that through the hardest of times, God is bringing you closer to Him? When I am too weak to walk, He carries me. When I am scared silly, He gives me peace. Stop allowing Satan to bring you down. Focus on God, our Daddy in heaven, and He will lift you up.

Be at Peace Through the Words From our Savior

"You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world." 1 John 4:4

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10