Thursday, August 25, 2011

The Inner Battle.

Once upon a time, my life went crazy! I'm not one for drama, but since middle school, it's found me. I should probably remind you that I'm the biggest worrier EVER... but not consistent. I get better at NOT worrying, and then BOOM, the worrying I tried so hard to overcome slaps me in the face. I can't handle change well. Right now at this moment in my life, there is a lot of change and although it's AMAZING change, it's making me crazy. I'm on my own again in an apartment, but praise the Lord it's not in downtown ATL. I have wonderful friends; but I haven't had friends like these before.

My life was simple. I had momma, dad, and the best brother ever. I had two best friends and that was it. I never dated; I was always lead on and left heartbroken. So I stayed to myself, my family, and my best friends. Through those years, I became a momma's girl and that's usually the only person I did stuff with. I babysat because children have always made me happy and I worked with special needs because they, all like children, love unconditionally. During school, I had a few friends (we didn't really hang out after school)... but I tend to take on people's problems, and when I couldn't help them, it made me feel emotionally drained. I've always been super sensitive to what people think of me, yet I still manage to be outspoken. BUT NOW ALL THIS IS CHANGING. AHHHHHHH!

Last Spring I decided my time was up in the city and God wanted me elsewhere. My best friend came out of nowhere with all these papers on a speech pathology program at the school she attends. I didn't think twice; I knew God was calling me to make the change. It was a great change; I was looking forward to it, but knowing how I deal with changes, it honestly scared me. I had already made friends down town and was use to the environment, although I didn't like it. But I knew it was time to go.

In July, the BIG change hit. My parents are making some major decisions in their life right now (NOT bad ones) that have a huge impact on me because I'm so close to them. I've wished several times that they would be a little less awesome so I could have been that kid that couldn't wait to go to college and live his/her own life. However, I'm stuck to them like glue. God blessed me with them for a reason; I wouldn't be who I am today without either of them. So with everything, going on, I took a trip back to my past and flipped! My inner battle started all over.

I have struggled with anxiety attacks off and on for almost 7 yrs. Every time I thought I was over and done with them, they'd start up again. It wasn't till a few Sundays ago that I was sitting in church and had this vision of battle. Inside I felt like I could see God fighting Satan. I'm the type of person that is fine unless I have too much time to myself. My thoughts start running a million miles an hour and I honestly feel like I'm about to black out. So in July, when all this change started taking place as I prepared for school, moving into a new apartment, and leaving my friends from down town, I began feeling panicky. My anxiety attacks have always been at night (Hence why I own little kid dvds; they relax me). I fight them off unless they are really bad. Yet the times I can't, I feel like I'm 5 crawling in bed with my mom. Come August, I really got nervous about moving and had panic attacks during the day. Really now, how super is it to be waiting for a drink in Starbucks and then ending up in your car calling your mom because you feel like you're going to faint? You know what I find really crazy, all this nonsense is because of worry. God makes it very clear throughout the Bible that His children have nothing to fear and worry about; yet I'm the crazy one in the parking lot crying all because of the stupid thoughts Satan puts in my head. All I can do is pray. Many times in the past 2 weeks I've found myself blaring Christian music and praying Satan out of my head. I mean, what do I have to worry about?

Well, I can worry about anything. You can worry about anything. Though this is what it comes down to: God has already fought the battle and won. I may feel crazy inside, but I'm not the only one struggling. Christians all over the world are having to remind themselves that God is in control. We have to teach ourselves to focus on what God is doing in our life and the blessings He has for us. So here's my short list of blessings for now:

1) God has placed the most amazing people in my life.
2) I love my new school.
3) God has given me a love for children and special needs.
4) I am continuously reminded of God's faithfulness to me.
5) I am a child of God.

I pray that anyone feeling alone remembers our heavenly Father. He has fought for us and won. Though we may struggle in flesh on earth, we will be reunited with him in His glory in heaven.

Read it and stop worrying!

Remember that I commanded you to be strong and brave. Don't be afraid because the Lord your God will be with you everywhere you go. Joshua 1:9

There are many rooms in my Father's house. I wouldn't tell you this, unless it was true. I am going there to prepare a place for each of you. After I have done this, I will come back and take you with me. Then we will be together. You know the way to where I am going. John 14:2-4

I consider that the suffering of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from it's bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. Romans 8:18-21

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Someone Special

Once upon a time, a young girl was blessed with the most amazing baby brother. She would carry him around the house, show him off to friends and family, and chase him and his friends around in circles. As time passed, the two became inseparable. When she was friendless, he was there along with his friends to keep her from feeling lonely. When he was friendless, she invited him along with her friends. They would go bowling together, out to lunch, and she'd sneak him Starbucks and Chickfila during school. All their friends said they might have well been twins; wherever one went, so did the other.

The young girl was me of course. I just wanted to share a little bit about how much my brother means to me! He's the one person I can talk to about most everything (besides my heavenly Father and my Momma). It's fun to talk about our faith, the future, what type of person we see each other marrying, where we'd live, traveling, etc... We've both gone through periods of anxiety making it easier to help each other and grow in our faith. God has blessed me with my brother in more ways than I can put into words. We fight in the spiritual battle side by side. He backs me up, and cheers me on. God has blessed us with a strong family unit. Our parents have raised us to be close, love no matter what, and never go to bed angry at one another. We have our tiffs, but that's life. My brother is very special to me; he holds that place in my heart no one else can ever fill.

I pray you hold your family and siblings close to your heart. I pray you have a relationship full of blessings, love, and contentment. As brothers and sisters in Christ we are to love one another. There may be periods of dislike, but strength comes through love. My love for Christ has not only strengthened my relationship with Him, but with others. There may be times of frustration with my heavenly Father, but He always shines through and loves me regardless. I may be irritated now and then with family and my brother, but my love for them is more powerful than my flesh.

I ask you to pray for broken families; that the mighty Healer heals their hearts. A family without Christ as the center of their lives is like the sea animals without water; they die away. Families all around the world are splitting up. I pray as time goes on, that families come together in Christ. May Christ be the super glue in your family, the one who strengthens and holds you together in love.

Love in the Word:

And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13:13

This is how we know what love is: Jesus laid down His life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. 1 John 3:16

Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.
1 John 4:8

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Singing...... in the Shower!

Once upon a time, I sang in the shower. On second thought... I always sing in the shower unless I have too much on my mind. I'm sure my family loves to hear me belting out notes only dogs can hear (my poor puppy). Then I think of those times in church during praise and worship when all I can hear are notes way off key from the person next to me. Don't act like the thought has never crossed your mind... "Please be quiet! Your singing is terrible." If you haven't, congratulations; you are one in a million!

Have you ever thought about what God thinks when we sing.... or when that one person you wish would "be quiet" sings "terribly?" God, our Creator made us; we are made in His image. He has sent His one and only son to die for our sins so that we may live eternally with Him one day in heaven. Do you not think for that He deserves all of our praise and worship? Think of how wonderful He feels when His tone deaf child sings Him praise! Therefore, I'm teaching myself to smile when I hear those notes way off key... and I can guarantee my family has heard plenty from me!
Lately I've found myself singing "My Redeemer Lives" every time I go to sing! I've heard the song many times, but never truly focused on the lyrics until recently.



"Who taught the sun where to stand in the morning".... Can YOU believe the Biggest star in the sky was placed there by our Heavenly Father?

"I know my Redeemer lives".... HE lives! My Heavenly Father, my one and ONLY Lord and Savior lives! Doesn't it make you want to jump in a hot shower and belt it out so it rings throughout the house? Even MORE... doesn't it make you want to tell the WORLD?!

"He runs to the weary, the worn, and the weak"... My heavenly Daddy makes the weary, the worn, and the weak all better! Do you know any other daddy that can do that?

"Conquered death to bring me victory"... God in human flesh died for Me and You so we may NEVER die! Has anyone else done that for you? NO!!! He cares for His children so much that He sacrificed Himself! Would you give your life for sinners?

"All of creation testify"... ALL! I'm not the only one testifying for my Savior! All of creation will testify!

Can you imagine what it will be like when that day comes, that glorious day... the day we will meet our God face to face! Oh how I praise Jesus for that day!

Showering Scripture:

You alone are the Lord, Creator of the heavens and all the stars, Creator of the earth and those who live on it, Creator of the ocean and all its creatures. You are the source of life, praised by the stars that fill the heavens. Nehemiah 9:6

All men shall [reverently] fear and be in awe; and they will declare the work of God for they will wisely consider and acknowledge that it is His doing. Psalm 64:9

I am with you always. Matthew 28:20