Tuesday, August 28, 2012

And So... It Begins

Once upon a time, I stood in an empty room. Four bare, sky blue walls faced me and all I could think about were the years of memories held within them. It's funny how quickly time passes without a moments notice. One day I'm sitting in that room with my dolls playing house and the next I'm saying goodbye as my family packs up and I head back to college. Never again will I step foot in that room. I remember laying in bed thinking, "I wonder who I'll be when I'm older. I wonder what I'll look like. I wonder when I'll be married." I've never met a little girl who didn't like to think about those things. Now I lay in bed and think, "If only I could go back to that time, where life was that simple. I would enjoy nap time, eating my vegetables, and having most every decision made for me." Sometimes I pretend I'm back home. I'm surrounded by my pillows and blankets and my parents are just down the hall. Some may say I'm strange, but I don't care. The Lord blessed me with a wonderful childhood and a family He knew would mean the world to me.

There are nights when I long for that little girl I once was. Crawling in bed with my parents because of a bad dream or a scary noise was comforting. Now, I have to rely solely on our Lord. Friends, when you hear a noise, how badly do you wish you had your parents arms to run to? It's difficult at times to swallow that dose of reality making you realize that you are now an adult. Feeling alone is not a feeling the average person enjoys. In the end, we can't help but grow up, move out, and make a life of our own, no matter how we feel. I've reached the point in my relationship with the Lord where I finally feel like He is my groom. Those days where I see couples walking hand in hand and sharing pet names and complimenting each other, I am reminded that the love of my life is so amazing He can't even compare. I am never fully alone. I have the Lord 24/7 and He never ceases to amaze me. Though I can't always feel Him or hear Him, I know He is there. I wouldn't change my relationship with Him for the world; no matter how desperate I may feel at times. Once we take control and put our time and focus on our relationship with the Lord, everything will fall into place. What greater plans the Lord will have for you once you begin living your own life rather than when you are depending on your parents to make life's decisions. Our life is too precious to take for granted and live according to how someone else thinks we should.

Now I lay here in my new bed, in my new house, staring at khaki colored walls covered in pictures. All I can think is, "There are many memories to be made and stored in these 4 walls." I have been blessed with an amazing, supportive family and a loving group of friends. Though I am sad every now and then, it's okay. I know the Lord has my life laid out and my path chosen. I continue to pray that the Lord directs me and blesses those I come into contact with everyday. When I said goodbye to my family and watched them in the rear view mirror as I drove away, I said goodbye to a small chapter in a big book. There's still plenty more chapters to go. I'm just beginning... life on my own, but NEVER alone.

 Find it in Scripture!

Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”  
Hebrews 13:5

 For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to Him....
2 Chronicles 16:9

Be strong, and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for the Lord!
Psalm 31:24
          

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Stormy Weather

Once upon a time, the storms rolled in. Friends... you know those times when things aren't going how you want them to? Everyone around you keeps saying, "It'll all be okay. Be optimistic! Look at the bright side! There's always a silver lining!" Yet you are standing there on your tip toes about to blow and all you want to scream is, "Let me sulk and not look at the bright side for just a little while!" If you're anything like me, you are awaiting your venti Starbucks drink because a tall isn't good enough. You have your "I'm depressed" music playing, and all you can think about is wanting to curl up in a cozy blanket on your comfy sofa and ball your eyes out; but you don't even have the energy to shed a single tear. It's not answers you are necessarily looking for and sulking about... it's the lack of control and stability you are feeling.  

Well friends, I have news! You go right ahead and sulk! Sometimes, there's no other way to get rid of the way you feel unless you give in and let it out. Sadly, I've not been giving my frustrations to God and letting go lately. I've held on to them with a tight grip. Friends, I have to say I've  found a solution to letting go without venting! What is the solution you ask! Writing it all out in a letter to God works wonders. I've provided you an example from yours truly!

Dear Lord,
I'm tired of chaos. I want to be in a routine! I am sad because my family is leaving for Ohio and I will be left in the south. Going through my things while helping momma pack has made my heart ache. This new job You have blessed me with is stressful and I'm scared. I'm tired of being thrown into drama, trusting people too quickly, and giving my heart away so easily only for it to be crushed. Though I am so blessed to have the friends and family you have given me, it doesn't change the fact that I am still hurting inside. I want to depend on You solely, but it's scary for me. I like to feel like I am in control, but I know You are the only source of control.

This summer has been full of trials and tribulations and though I am thankful because I have used this time to attempt to grow in our relationship, I am still left uneasy. I've felt months of frustration and sadness and I am ready to let go and give it to You. I continue to ask that Your desires be my desires, that I seek not what I want but what You want, and that the troubles I encounter I give to You and learn from them. Please forgive me for my lack of obedience at times and my impatience. You've shown me what happens when I go my own way and Lord, please pick me up and carry me before I go too far astray.

Love, Your daughter
There are times in life where things don't go our way. There are times when they do. As I have learned, I would much rather things go as God has planned than how I have planned. Don't go bottling up your frustrations. Be sure to let them out. It's okay to be sad. Life will keep going and things will get better. Just keep focused on one day at a time.

Words of Comfort

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Philippians 4:6

"But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31