Are you Listening?

Once upon a time, I found myself alone with God in the woods outside my cabin. It was cold and rainy and the only sounds heard were those of students laughing and carrying on in the main building. As drops of water splashed against my cheeks, I stood there begging for God to give me peace in the chaos of my life. This past weekend, I went on a retreat. I went to work on deepening my relationship with my heavenly Father and grow closer to my brothers and sisters in Christ. Retreats are thought to be times of reconnecting with God and friends along with relaxation from worldly troubles. However, this retreat did just the opposite.

One prayer request I hold dear to my heart has been prayer over confrontation and conflict. Not only should we desire to confront, we should also work on how we accept it. This weekend, I tried using confrontation to solve conflicts between my friends. I have learned from past experiences that ignoring situations does not solve problems and can create more. It wasn't until now.... now that I am back from the retreat, that I realized what a mess I caused.

I placed my desires over God's desires for my life. I wanted someone outside of my family and friends to care about me and make me feel good about myself. When the opportunity presented itself, I ran with it in flying colors. I set this rule that I'd have to be friends with someone before starting a committed relationship. Well friends, I put my trust and emotions into this friendship way too quickly. I was ready for commitment within a few weeks of spending time with this person. Now some people say there's nothing wrong with that. However, my mistake proved correct... I need to be friends with someone for a while before entering in a relationship. This guy, he was amazing, and he pursued me. He met my check list:

-In love with God
-Loves mission work
-Respected among friends
-Desire for a family
-Heart for ministry

...and the list goes on. So without question, I jumped in ready to commit. Unfortunately, things didn't work out in the way I'd hoped.

He didn't want to talk in person... and I couldn't handle not talking. So I opened my BIG FAT MOUTH and ranted to a few friends who weren't even involved. It was wrong of me... and no matter how I try and justify it, it was still wrong. I've been riding on this roller coaster of emotions turning every which way when I feel like this whole time God has been telling me to hush and give it to Him.

Curled up in this cozy bed... surrounded by blankets, pillows, and stuffed animals... all I can think to say is, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't hush. I'm sorry God for not giving it to You as if You aren't good or strong enough to handle the situation. I'm sorry for involving so many people and most of all, for not putting all my trust in You."

Friends, how often do you find yourself putting God's desires for your life on the back burner? How often do you find yourself talking to everyone else about your issues but those who are involved? God is the almighty Healer. He is the Prince of Peace. So why do we think other people are the solution to our problem? Try placing your trust in God... He's our security blanket! When life isn't going how we think it should, we should go to Him.

Some of us feed on drama... some love chaos... but where is God when there's constant disruption? I could let this crazy mess keep me down, or I could go to God, give it Him, and move on. What's keeping you down? Let Him take control.

Peace in the Word:

"My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry..."
James 1:19

"A gentle answer turns away wrath,but a harsh word stirs up anger."
Proverbs 15:1

"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God."
Matthew 5:9

"In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry..."
Ephesians 4:26

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