Thursday, September 15, 2011

Awaken This Life.

Once upon a time, I fell asleep. Have you ever felt like periods of your life were spent asleep? There are times in my life where all I want to do is curl up in my bed and sleep through all the chaos around me. I never realized how easy it is for me to fall asleep during the middle of the day than at night until recently. Lord bless my friends; how fun is it to be watching a movie or hanging out and wonder "Where is Sara?" Oh no worries, I'm there with them; only I'm asleep. When I am awake and focused, my friends can tell me anything; my ears work just fine. However, these eyes just don't want to stay open... I can picture it now, drifting away on a cloud, and returning when the air is clear and the problems are solved. Though that sounds wonderful, it wouldn't fix a thing. Problems don't resolve on their own. Decisions can't make themselves. Problems and decision making need to be met head on. Only what happens when there are too many decisions to be made? What happens when there are too many problems to be fixed?

Tonight, I took a look in the mirror and really woke up. Thank the Lord for Morgan (my best friend). In 20 minutes I was able to vent about myself like no one's business. Here's what we concluded:

1) I am super scared to lose friends.
- After losing all my friends in middle school... and then losing them after high school... I can't handle losing any more. I start to think there is something wrong with me. Any time I've ever lost a friend, no one tells me why we aren't friends or what I did wrong. Therefore, I can be overbearing when it comes to making new friends. I want to solve their problems and make them happy when they are sad. So here's what I learned, I need to back off and realize I can't solve anyone's problem. It's not my responsibility. I can be there for them; but on their terms, not mine.

2) I am guy stupid.
- Okay, this does not mean guys are stupid. I simply mean that I don't understand them. They say women are hard to figure out. Well, don't leave out men! I am an open book. Ask me anything and I'll be sure to give you an answer. I am outspoken and talk about whatever is going on in my life. Am I a handful? Sure, I can be a handful... a handful of emotions that I wear on my sleeves. So, I've concluded that I'm the official SCARECROW. I scare guys away. I tend to say I don't have expectations for people, well... it's a total different story when it comes to guys I'm interested in. If I am into them, I expect A LOT. Is that bad? Nope. Though I need to remind myself, I need not go chasing any of them. Whoever thinks he can handle me... the basket case crazy woman with feelings... well, he'll find me someday. I'm only 19 and it really shouldn't matter whether I understand guys right now or ever. The only man I'll ever have to understand is my husband. So it's time I stop concerning myself with silly crushes and just let life happen.

3) I can come off seeming bossy.
- Yeah, so taking on people's problems... try sounding like a parent. Sometimes I don't know when to keep my mouth shut. I make decisions for me, myself, and I. I can't make other people's decisions. Though the one thing I can't stand is when a friend asks me what I think... and then stab me in the back (not literally). What am I suppose to do, give advice they want to hear? What if the advice or opinion I have doesn't match theirs? That is one way I've lost friends. Does that mean I forfeit truth? No. No matter how scared I am of losing a friend, it doesn't mean I should withhold my true feelings.

To sum this up, Lord bless my friends and family. Bless Morgan for putting up with me all these years. Help me not to drive away my friends. Help me to be positive and uplifting acknowledging You in all my ways. I pray for the times I've slept to try and rid my problems. That doesn't get me anywhere. I pray with every negative thought, I replace them with thoughts of You. By myself, I am asleep.

With my Savior, I am awake. I need not fear, for God's plan is greater than that of my own. Greater is He who is in me than he who is of this world.

Bible Time!

As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend. Proverbs 27:17

A wise youth harvests in the summer, but one who sleeps during harvest is a disgrace. Proverbs 10:5

Think of ways to encourage one another to outbursts of love and good deeds.
Hebrews 10:24

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Somewhere Out There....

Once upon a time, I wanted someone to talk to so badly. Wow, sounds like I'm friendless! Whoops! I have friends; I have wonderful friends who have blessed my life in countless ways. However, the stuff going on in my life, I can't just blurt out. Of course, I can always talk to my family; and my heavenly Father is always listening. However, every time I look up at the moon, I know who I want to talk to. I know who I want to share what's going on in my life with. I know who I want to spend forever on earth with. Only, I haven't met him yet. I'm not just looking for anybody. I want my husband God has promised me. I imagine every girl secretly does. In fact, I'm sure guys do as well.
I know that every time I look up into the beautiful night time sky, he's somewhere out there. The same moon that shines through my window shines on him. Although I don't know him, I pray for him. I pray for whatever is going on in his life at this very moment is in God's hands. Have you ever thought to pray for your future husband/wife? My momma told me when I was little that she always prayed I'd marry the right guy someday. I decided I needed to get praying on that as well; so surely with both of us praying, I'll find him. Some people may think I sound desperate; but I know that once you find that right person, you want your life to start with them as soon as possible. I want Mr. Right. I want to matter to someone besides my family and my heavenly Father. I want someone who will talk with me into all hours of the night just because he loves me and cares about what I have to say. I want to hear his thoughts, opinions, and life stories. When he's sad or sick, I want to take care of him just as he'd care for me.
So, this has mostly been about what I want. I... I... I.... But you must know that what I want above all is what God wants for me. I have faith that He will bring me Mr. Right at the RIGHT time. Man, it's so difficult to be patient though. Yet, God continuously reminds me how much better my life is when I rely on Him and take my focus off myself. So for now, I'll keep praying for my SOMEWHERE OUT THERE.


Take delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

This is the boldness we have in God's presence: that if we ask God for anything that agrees with what He wants, He hears us.
1 John 5:14

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Romans 12:12